


Gnawing Doubts

by AllPrompts



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Safe/Alive Kiss, kkir25
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 12:23:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5869336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllPrompts/pseuds/AllPrompts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Konoha is attacked. Kakashi worries over Iruka's safety but duty must take priority in this case.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gnawing Doubts

**Author's Note:**

> Bit late since I've been debating on whether I should bother to upload it or not since I've not really uploaded any fanfiction in years. So, hey there community. ^^;;
> 
> If you see any mistakes, please let me know! =)

The day started wrong, with Tsunade winning a bet she'd made the previous night. Civilians were escorted from their homes, Iruka went with them to keep them safe - in case anyone managed to get to the mountain. They had, as an earth shaking quake and white smoke burst from the Rock Monument earlier that evening. When Kakashi had heard they had breeched the Hokage Rock, his legs felt heavier than any time he'd ever been chakra-drained. He couldn't think of anything else other than Iruka. Dead. The impulse to turn and just run towards that plume of smoke almost overtook him.

But as the leader of his own team, right now, he could do nothing. He could do nothing but give orders and hope that the breech was simply an ant-hill ready to be stomped on and crushed. He couldn't think of Iruka dead. Not dead. Not dead. Not dead.

Kakashi was sure he was going to be sick. But still as Konoha's ninja, his duty was to deal with the intruders. So, even when his team searched for more enemies and more and more they lead him away from where he desperately wished to be fighting, all he could do was hope.

Hope nothing awful had happened. Kakashi's mind split into two: of course Iruka would be alive. It was unlikely that the enemy had penetrated so far into their village without anyone noticing and providing back-up. Iruka wasn't alone. Of course Iruka was dead: he'd saved him last time. Now he wasn't there to save him. 

The images of seeing other Konoha's villagers and shinobi littering the ground and yet at times, Kakashi wanted to ignore the thought that he'd sighed, in relief. He was not being a loyal dog anymore. He had to stop. It had to be nothing but treasonous to feel such relief over the death of someone else. Someone else's Iruka, probably, but at least, for now his Iruka could still be alive. He should search for him.

He didn't. He continued to hunt down every single one of the shinobi that had decided that the alliance wasn't what they had in mind. They'd attacked with such co-ordination that it was clear this was planned months in advance. So, Kakashi did what he did best. He eliminated everything in his path, everything that was a threat to Konoha. 

He was not feeling merciful because every second he thought - he wished he didn't - every ounce of strength he lost, he knew that might be it. He might die. Iruka would probably yell at his grave. Tell him he was an idiot. A fool to push so hard. Would Iruka think he was alone again?

Kakashi pushed the idea away. He'd see Iruka again. He just had to wait until the day ended. Then he could search for him. He could find Iruka and he could... he could check that everything else was fine. He could see that smile again, he could hear that laugh and the raised voice. He could feel him alive and well and be fulfilled with that. 

Just let him see Iruka one last time.

A mantra he wasn't sure he spoke it to. Something in the Pure Land or maybe to a higher power that could answer him. But, even as the reports poured in that everything was secure. That the enemies were gone, Kakashi couldn't search for Iruka yet. No, not yet.

No one knew about them. It was the way it had to be. With it, Kakashi was left seeing Iruka's friends, those he worked with in the Mission Room and at the Academy they moved - frowning. Always with a stony look on their face and Kakashi couldn't ask them. It'd be weird, out of character, out of place. Couldn't ask a question Kakashi didn't want to form.

No, Kakashi had to wait. He had to see Naruto and of course, he was okay. But even the blonde seemed... mild. It left Kakashi with an awful taste in his mouth like out-of-date ramen. So, he tried to ask, as subtle as he could if anything was wrong.

Was Iruka dead?

"Just can't believe this happened, damn it. Me an' Hinata had places to go, now we're left cleaning up this mess," Naruto huffed, "I mean who wants to clean? Who likes cleaning?"

Kakashi couldn't ask: have you heard anything about Iruka? Is he alive? Is he injured? Because, maybe, Naruto didn't know. Maybe Naruto had more faith in Iruka than Kakashi did. That stung in his chest and with a ruffle of Naruto's unruly hair, Kakashi bid the young man goodbye for the day. His smile felt so fake that it hurt his face.

Officially, his day ended at around eight the following morning. He wanted to say he was tired. He wanted to say he heard in the great grapevine that was Konoha that Iruka was okay, but nothing. No one was saying much. Mainly due to the low morale and lack of information on the attacking force but... 

But Kakashi wasn't tired as he was scared. He sat on the railing, looking through the balcony's glass door of Iruka-sensei's home. He wasn't sure what he was going to do if he went in there and Iruka wasn't. Iruka could be dead. Bled out sometime in the early morning and Kakashi couldn't help him.

A deep breath and Kakashi opened the door as if he were infiltrating an enemy base, all quiet like; but Kakashi had never been so anxious over that before. He stepped in tentatively and for a second stopped breathing. Then he heard it. The usual clink of tableware and Kakashi bolted forward and there. Just there, Iruka's back. Hair still tied up high, in his usual ninja gear: this time, clear imperfections in the armour. Gashes and cuts. Blood and mud, ash and grass stains. 

Kakashi always thought he was never in a serious relationship. He struggled to think of the name, the words, for the sensation in his chest. Was it painful? What could overshadow overwhelming relief? He wasn't sure. This genius hadn't a clue what to do. He just stood and watched. Iruka stretched forward and took a sip from the cup, a sake bottle sat glinting half-full on the table.

No longer wanting to keep his presence quiet, Kakashi wanted to call his name out loud, in his usual demeanour, be cool, be aloof, "Iruka." His legs felt too heavy again.

Iruka's shoulders hitched up and he turned around -- and fuck. Fuck, he was grinning and saying his name. Fuck. Kakashi stood still, brain and body not keeping up with each other.

Iruka stood slowly, that smile - no, don't stop smiling - faded and Iruka touched his arms, both of those hands held onto them tight. He smelt wonderful, despite the smoke and blood.

"Kakashi? Are you okay?" Kakashi was sure it wasn't the name, it wasn't the name without the honorific, it wasn't the expression that followed the worried question. It was voice. The same voice Kakashi knew now, he'd been wanting to use all day to ask everyone else.

_Is Iruka okay? Please, tell me Iruka's okay._

Kakashi touched the scar that ran over Iruka's face and he let him. He just... stood there with this expression, part confused, maybe worried, and then amused. Kakashi rubbed the dirt and ash away as best he could and he wondered how many hours Iruka had been up. For once, Kakashi was glad the blood on his hands had dried in the many hours before.

"I..." Kakashi wasn't sure how to say it, and Iruka touched him back and started to pull down his mask and thumbed away what could be dirt - seeped, dried in blood maybe, "I wanted to look for you," he started again.

"I know," Iruka smiled and the emotions bloomed worse and Kakashi could hear his voice quiver on those words.

"I wanted to--"

Iruka kissed him and Kakashi pulled back for a second and took a deep breath. Audible and clear and still shaky and he couldn't. He had to check. To check that Iruka that stood in front of him, that radiated this warmth, that spoke so softly was really Iruka. Wasn't some genjutsu from the enemy or a trick of a broken mind.

He touched Iruka again, careful of the cut across his eyebrow, checking this time for sure, Iruka was Iruka. Still Iruka, still smiling and able to laugh not damaged by unbelievable acts of war or hurt and so traumatised that Kakashi might not be able to save him and bring him back from ghosts.

"Kakashi," Iruka leaned forward and he felt the warmth of Iruka's forehead against his own and he sighed. "I know," he cooed at him. He was always too gentle, Kakashi reminded himself that was suppose to be a negative.

"Are you hurt?" His own aching muscles could wait, he moved his hand to Iruka's jugular, to the side where his pulse was easy to find. Beating. Alive. Kakashi didn't move when Iruka wrapped an arm around his neck, keeping him close. 

"Just a little," Iruka took Kakashi's hand, and he couldn't help it - he wanted not to notice things - he saw the blood under Iruka's nails. Gently, Kakashi's hand was held low on Iruka's hip, a small hint of discomfort from him when he sucked in a breath and now, now Kakashi just wanted to rush Iruka to the hospital. Or the shower and check everything over. Just in case. Poison. Infection. Rupture. Internal bleeding. Death.

"I missed you," Iruka whispered back and Kakashi looked at him again, watching carefully for every flutter of the eyelashes, of every pause of each word, every breath taken between those lips.

And Kakashi couldn't take it any more. All day yesterday, all this morning, thoughts that took him down the worst paths because he was meant to accept as a shinobi that death was what was waiting for them all. For his friends and his comrades and his team and his lover. Kakashi was supposed to accept that.

Kakashi's hand moved to the back of Iruka's hair, yanked the tie out of it, and Kakashi kissed him. More. More. More. To make up for all that time thinking he'd get no more of Iruka. He couldn't kiss him enough. When Iruka panted at his mouth, trying desperately to keep up, Kakashi kissed him everywhere, anywhere, Kakashi didn't care any more. 

Whatever he could reach he kissed, gently over that cut on the eyebrow. Over the curve of his jaw and the nick at his nose. On the cheek to move up to the temple and he felt Iruka hold on tighter and practically tremble and Kakashi wasn't sure why but Kakashi couldn't stop saying Iruka's name. Over and over, his new mantra, because this Iruka was real and alive and pulling him closer and he wanted to stay with the man forever.

He loved this foul tempered, too soft, chunin: this extraordinary person. He loved the way his breath hitched and his nails were digging in. How he was impatient and was pulling him closer and Kakashi was happy to follow. How when his hand found his, they grasped together so tightly that it was almost painful.

"I missed you too, Kakashi," Iruka's breath was ragged and Kakashi could see in his eyes that they were shining and glistening and he was going to cry, "We got news of the gate being destroyed and..." Iruka pawed at his hitai-ate, and Kakashi yanked his off and threw it over his shoulder wanting nothing to ever be in the way between them. "I didn't know, I didn't want to-- I couldn't ask--" Iruka was kissing back, just as frenzied and pulling him over to the couch that looked all too far away. Kakashi tasted salt.

"We're okay," Kakashi whispered back, threading his fingers through somewhat tangled hair, careful not to pull as Iruka lay back fully. He watched that passionate gaze turn into something more. Kakashi wondered if his face did that when he looked at Iruka. He hoped it did and he hoped Iruka could see it.

"We're okay," Iruka grinned, tears streaming down his face - he rubbed at them and the two huddled together, emotionally and physically spent. Kakakshi's chin happily finding a spot on Iruka's shoulder, cradled in by Iruka's arms. In a position that would make them both regret it in a few hours time but for now, now it was more than enough. Kakashi had never been happier to hear a heartbeat that was not his own.


End file.
